Are you having trouble escaping the confines of your blanketed mattress? That's writer-speak for bed, and you're a lazy boo boo head for sleeping in so late! Here are six reasons why you should wake up, get dressed and do something with yourself today.
6. You've Got a Job To Do
There are people counting on you and that special brand of you-ness that you bring to the world. You may or may not have what some would call a "real" job, but that's cool. You do that thing, or you say that stuff. You might not get paid for it, but certainly you could find at least one person that enjoys the limited amount of regularity that you bring to their life. If nobody depends on you for anything that's particularly important, go ahead and do something nice for yourself today. You're like super important, and if you keep telling yourself that, you might convince others to believe the same!
5. Some People Don't Even Have a Bed
Did you know that if you search the Internet for a statistic about the percentage of people who own beds, there is little to no credible information about this subject at all? Society is too ashamed to even talk about it, much less research it in a lab setting. Sure, there are those who just happen to be "in-between" beds, or sleeping on the couch for a little while until Mommy gets over her issues. However, what about those living in poverty, including innocent children? Yet there you lay, warm and comfortable while others suffer. You are still comfortable, right?
4. The Spider Under the Covers
This isn't a clever metaphor. While you were sleeping a curious arachnid crawled up the side of your bed and is piggybacking off of all that sweet body heat to incubate the ripe satchel of babies that it carries on its back. In fact, it very well could have been two pregnant spiders. Where there's one spider there's probably two more, all of them about to give birth. If aren't interested in sharing your warmest crevasses with a bunch of tiny spider creatures, you should think about getting up. Obviously we don't even have the time to get into bedbugs, but they're there too.
3. People Are Judging You
Who cares, right? You're tired! You've got no responsibilities! Guess what? You're also highly unmotivated, and slightly unkempt. And that's not just coming from me. I love you, I seriously do. It's just that other people are beginning to talk and I don't want you to get your feelings hurt. Even if their opinion doesn't matter, word travels fast. Once it gets around that you're a lazy do-nothing, people will stop asking you for things, like love. People will stop wanting your love, and you will receive none in return. A thankless, loveless life you will lead if you decide to continue this barrage of resting.
2. You Probably Won't Die Today
Most people die while lying in a bed. That's a fact that you can't disprove no matter how hard you try. If you are able to make it out of the clutches of your bed, you're a survivor. There's actually only a 0.0039% chance that you'll be murdered at any given time, granted that you don't live in a major city with a higher than average crime rate. Also, if you've infuriated the wrong people your chances of being knocked off are increased considerably. You might not have much longer to live due to various other reasons like disease or hunger, but that doesn't necessarily mean today's the day! The fact that you're even reading this article means that you haven't died yet, and that accounts for something.
1. Breakfast Time!
Ding, ding ding! There's donuts, eggs, sausages. Of course there's bacon, assorted fruits and delicious exotic coffees - plus a wide selection of tiny boxes of popular cereal brands. It's like a continental breakfast up in here, and it's all for you. But no eating in bed! If you want to eat delicious pastries and succulent breakfast meats you'll have to go to the dining room. If your dining room does not already contain these things, you may have to go to the store to purchase the ingredients, or stay at a hotel for an actual free breakfast. Your delicious morning meal will only limited by your motivation to make it so. If you are hungry, get out of bed and go eat.
6. You've Got a Job To Do
There are people counting on you and that special brand of you-ness that you bring to the world. You may or may not have what some would call a "real" job, but that's cool. You do that thing, or you say that stuff. You might not get paid for it, but certainly you could find at least one person that enjoys the limited amount of regularity that you bring to their life. If nobody depends on you for anything that's particularly important, go ahead and do something nice for yourself today. You're like super important, and if you keep telling yourself that, you might convince others to believe the same!
5. Some People Don't Even Have a Bed
Did you know that if you search the Internet for a statistic about the percentage of people who own beds, there is little to no credible information about this subject at all? Society is too ashamed to even talk about it, much less research it in a lab setting. Sure, there are those who just happen to be "in-between" beds, or sleeping on the couch for a little while until Mommy gets over her issues. However, what about those living in poverty, including innocent children? Yet there you lay, warm and comfortable while others suffer. You are still comfortable, right?
4. The Spider Under the Covers
This isn't a clever metaphor. While you were sleeping a curious arachnid crawled up the side of your bed and is piggybacking off of all that sweet body heat to incubate the ripe satchel of babies that it carries on its back. In fact, it very well could have been two pregnant spiders. Where there's one spider there's probably two more, all of them about to give birth. If aren't interested in sharing your warmest crevasses with a bunch of tiny spider creatures, you should think about getting up. Obviously we don't even have the time to get into bedbugs, but they're there too.
3. People Are Judging You
Who cares, right? You're tired! You've got no responsibilities! Guess what? You're also highly unmotivated, and slightly unkempt. And that's not just coming from me. I love you, I seriously do. It's just that other people are beginning to talk and I don't want you to get your feelings hurt. Even if their opinion doesn't matter, word travels fast. Once it gets around that you're a lazy do-nothing, people will stop asking you for things, like love. People will stop wanting your love, and you will receive none in return. A thankless, loveless life you will lead if you decide to continue this barrage of resting.
2. You Probably Won't Die Today
Most people die while lying in a bed. That's a fact that you can't disprove no matter how hard you try. If you are able to make it out of the clutches of your bed, you're a survivor. There's actually only a 0.0039% chance that you'll be murdered at any given time, granted that you don't live in a major city with a higher than average crime rate. Also, if you've infuriated the wrong people your chances of being knocked off are increased considerably. You might not have much longer to live due to various other reasons like disease or hunger, but that doesn't necessarily mean today's the day! The fact that you're even reading this article means that you haven't died yet, and that accounts for something.
1. Breakfast Time!
Ding, ding ding! There's donuts, eggs, sausages. Of course there's bacon, assorted fruits and delicious exotic coffees - plus a wide selection of tiny boxes of popular cereal brands. It's like a continental breakfast up in here, and it's all for you. But no eating in bed! If you want to eat delicious pastries and succulent breakfast meats you'll have to go to the dining room. If your dining room does not already contain these things, you may have to go to the store to purchase the ingredients, or stay at a hotel for an actual free breakfast. Your delicious morning meal will only limited by your motivation to make it so. If you are hungry, get out of bed and go eat.
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